tbh, i find the emergence of the concept of demisexuality very interesting, and i’m partial to thinking it’s a symptom of hypersexualized patriarchal culture that demands full sexual availability of women. wanting to develop an emotional bond before having sex is actually a very common and even normative thing, yet nowadays women seem to be under so much pressure to have casual sex that they strongly identify with demisexuality to justify the limits of their sexual comfort zone.
i wonder how the idea that not wanting to have sex with people you don’t know well needs its own label might be connected with the “sex-positive” movement and its ideas of “sexual empowerment”. we’ve conceptualized being sexual (as opposed to “half-sexual”) in very strict terms and reached a point where certain sexual behaviours, such as casual sex, are not just seen as normal and accepted but actually positioned as a required part of “full” sexuality, and by doing that we’ve abnormalized not wanting to have sex with people you don’t know well, which is alarming because there is an immense pressure on women to be sexually available to men.
Did you seriously just deny the legitimacy of a sexuality many people identify with? And over 2,500 people have reblogged it - is this seriously happening?
I mean, of course I agree that that we have an unbelievable problem of sexual entitlement in men (particularly heterosexual cis men), but that isn’t what demisexuality or any point on the asexual spectrum is about. And as a demisexual (possibly full-blown asexual, I’m still not sure) I’m a little offended to be honest.
I think you need to read and educate yourself on the different levels of attraction, asexuality, and demisexuality because frankly this is ignorant and disgusting, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you just don’t know much about this sexuality.
Because it isn’t about wanting to have sex or not wanting to have sex; this isn’t celibacy or sex-is-special-and-intimate-so-I’m-holding-out-for-the-Right-Person. This is “I don’t experience sexual attraction,” or specifically for demisexuals, “I don’t experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection.”
For example, I have no idea what sexual attraction feels like. I’ve never been emotionally connected with a person to the point where such an attraction could potentially develop. And the idea of someone touching makes my skin crawl. Do I want to have sex? Yes. But that’s more of a general desire; there’s no specific individual that I want to do that with, that I feel comfortable doing that with, that I feel attracted to in that manner.
But it’s different for all aces. Some are repulsed by sex, some aren’t. Some have sex (for a multitude of different reasons), some don’t. Some have never and will never experience sexual attraction, some experience it every now and then, some haven’t experienced it until one specific person came along. It’s different for everyone and, again, it’s not about wanting or not wanting to have sex; it’s about whether or not you experience sexual attraction, which is completely different than romantic attraction. Romantic orientation is a different ballpark.
To wrap this up, the label of demisexuality wasn’t created to ward off sexually aggressive men or to justify not wanting to have casual sex. It was created because there was a need for it. Because there are people out there who are a part of the asexual community but don’t completely fit under or identify with the definition because they experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. And that may involve being emotionally connected to a person.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. You can fight for gender equality without invalidating a sexuality and all of the people that identify with it.
tom: i promise i’m never doing that again.
nicole: that needs to be a gif. [x]
MEDICAL SELFIE. GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT, DOC - HOW MANY SELFIES I GOT LEFT? (via Ezra’s Instagram)
like tbh i feel like my problem with the “dark and gritty!!” trend in modern stories is this
there’s this idea in our culture that cynicism is realistic? that only children believe in happy endings, that people are ultimately selfish and greedy and seeing with clear eyes means seeing the world as an awful place
that idealism is— easy, i guess. butterflies and sunshine and love are easy things to have in your head.
but i’ve known since i was fifteen that idealism— faith in humanity— optimism— is the most difficult thing in the entire world.
i constantly struggle to have faith in humanity, because it’s really, really easy to lose it. it’s easy to look at the news and go “what were you expecting? of course humans behave this way.” it’s easy to see the world and go “ugh, there’s no hope there.” and the years when i believed that were easy. miserable— but easy.
it is hard work to see the good in people. it is hard work to hope. it is hard work to keep faith and love and joy and appreciation for beauty in my daily life.
and when moviemakers and tv producers and writers go “omg!!! all characters are selfish and act poorly and don’t love each other, nothing ever happens that is happy or good, that’s so much more realistic, that’s so much more adult”
no, it’s not
it’s the most childish thing i can imagine.
you can tell it’s summertime in the us, not by the heat, but because everyone illegally sets off fireworks at 8pm for the two month spans surrounding both sides of july
From their announcement:
For various reasons, Bass Coast Festival is banning feathered war bonnets, or anything resembling them, onsite. Our security team will be enforcing this policy.
We understand why people are attracted to war bonnets. They have a magnificent aesthetic. But their spiritual, cultural and aesthetic significance cannot be separated.
Bass Coast Festival takes place on indigenous land and we respect the dignity of aboriginal people. We have consulted with aboriginal people in British Columbia on this issue and we feel our policy aligns with their views and wishes regarding the subject. Their opinion is what matters to us.
Schön Magazine February 2013
Photographer: Alan Clarke
Model: Alek Alexeyeva